Which reminds me; first born Adam as a Technical Modifier on the Babe station, don't ask, has been transferred to the Psychic channel, “I didn't see that one coming!” he was heard to say.
Anyway, so when the L's arrived, it was the start of their 3 week “holiday”. Now both are retired but live mostly at home so it probably is a holiday for them, but it's a way of life with us. No problem there but, and there is always a “but”, starting to drink earlier in the day than normal, eating prodigious amounts of, very well cooked I must say, food, is knocking me and SWMBO's diets to pieces. I think we can put up with it though.
The local staff have been preparing the bunk houses, close to us on the site. Re-painting the steel bunks, adding new mattresses where needed and giving the whole place a good clean and paint. I thought it was for the up and coming San Fermin, bull run, in 6 weeks time time, oh no. Yesterday, about a gazillion kids, between 5 and 10, turned up and moved in. Of course they all can speak Spanish better than me already, actually being Spanish probably helps of course.
So about 7am this morning they started “making noises”, yelling that is. As we are glass double glazed and well insulated I did not hear them until I opened the screen door, not so fortunate are the L's as they are between us and the kids and also have plastic windows on their caravan. I wait with great anticipation to their comments later in the morning and if these little people are around for a week or so, even more so.
Derek returned from the shower block the other morning muttering about how cold the water was and that he hadn't even washed his hair, what little there is of it. What he did not, as not a seasoned camper as I, realise, is that non adjustable showers do vary individually and so I pointed him to shower #12, my shower, hair washed, job done.
Derek began his usual long drawn out process of tuning in the telly/satellite. As anyone who camps knows, the incessant squealing of these tuning devices can just drive you crazy, especially when it goes on for hours and matches, almost perfectly, the frequency of my 30 year old, tinnitus. So when I set one up, very rarely actually as we do not watch TV, I get the inclination about right for the part of the world we are in and then point it in the general direction of everyone else's. Derek mentioned that there were no others on site, in sight, but what he didn't know is that I remembered what direction the last occupants of the site used.
So I gets the dish, cranks in 36° inclination and points it at some trees in the distance, went inside and with Derek, connected everything up, switched on and there was BBC, ITV etc. all nicely tuned in. Derek very nearly soiled himself with excitement saying that it usually took him four hours and ten bitten down nails to get to this stage. So he's happy and I may get to watch some of the World Cup matches after all.
Just returned from my morning SSS, now I'm not suggesting that that it is a coincidence i.e. arrival of the kids, but of the four sit down men traps we have, two are in a non usable condition due to the fact that whoever used them last, managed to crap everywhere but in the actual bowl. So only traps 2 & 3 are actually approachable. Someone was already in #2 so I took #3. As I sat and pondered the universe I must have heard every variation of “WTF!” in different languages as the men traipsed past checking them out and then wondering off with their fully planned and sometimes already part initiated mission, aborted. As Jean had cooked a very tasty chicken curry the previous night I was glad to get there first and add my very own recipe, to the already spirited atmosphere in there.
Today is looking decidedly iffy wrt the weather and I think hanging around the camp site and having a go at both putting on my roof bike rack and checking the MS batteries will/should be the order of the day.
As it has not yet rained today, we all went for a bike ride to Andelos to see the Roman ruins and this time the museum was open, Derek and I got in as pensioners, full price €1 each for the girls. It was Derek's first time on a bike since he was 15 and I think he suffered a little, especially concerned about his “meat and two veg” and all the pounding they took. When we got back I parked all four bikes along side the main MS hold and locked them together and as I finished realised that the batteries and roof rack bits were in there, so two jobs now not getting done after all.
Sunday 30th May 2010, El Molino.
Yesterday got suckered. There was some music playing somewhere and the girls asked if we, the chaps, would like to go and had a look. I thought it was in the reception here at the site, er no, it was coming from Mendigorria and so it was another walk up the hill and guess what, gone when we got there.
Off to Puenta la Reina with the Leadbetters today, and SWMBO and I actually cycled all the way up into Mendigorria and back up the two hills but we/I am totally knackered and will have to have a beer transfusion asap.
Tuesday 1st June 2010, El Molino.
Well yesterday I managed to do the two things I've been planning for about 4 months, 1) put the roof bike carrier on the Navara, this will allow us to get to some great cycle rides that are too far away to actually cycle to. 2) check the batteries for acid level and power duration, well, had to top up most of the cells, no plates exposed but a bit low. Then I ran the MS without mains hook up, using the 1KW inverter; ran, TV and DVD, all 12v lights and no solar panels. On for about 4 hours with a 25 A drain and the voltage stayed, rock steady, at 12.3 v, so that should be OK for the odd wild-camp then.
The ladies went for a long walk, while Derek and I did this, which is supposed to help them become more “regular”, I just drink beer, works for me. Speaking of such, went down to the block for SSS and some bastid had not quite made it to the men's toilet and there was shit all along the floor. Now there are no kids to blame this time so it's got to be some old codger who is obviously part of the dressing gown brigade who thought, but was mistaken, that that small fart on the way to the traps was just that, unfortunately it wasn't. If he was wearing shorts it would not have made it to the floor, makes sense to me.
News from home, Heather has bought a flat! It's on Haslett Avenue in Crawley, walking distance to the railway station and two bedrooms. Since she is a first time buyer and it's under £250K, no stamp duty and a reduced deposit. It will be a struggle financially at first but that is the norm when you first start out on the housing ladder, so good luck to her.
Tricia took some Dulcolax last night but the results are not good so far and as she took 3 tablets and not one, we may be staying close to the camp site today, so the L's will have to do their own thing.
The rainy days must be at an end as they are using lots of sprinklers all over the place, one was very close to Jean and Derek's caravan and they ended up with some flooding in the awning area so the groundsheet has to be taken up, looks a lot drier this morning though.
Wednesday 2nd June 2010.
Because of Tricia's “condition” i.e. she tends to spend most of her time in the toilet with a hot cup of tea, we stayed close to the MS while the L's went shopping. Planning on driving to Pamplona with the bikes and doing the eight mile river run that we did so often last year. Drive to Ezcaba, the camp site we used then, then cycle into Pamplona, stopping for a picknick.
Of course SWMBO needs to “regular” by then I guess. Mind you it's not stopping her from eating, then again, nothing actually does. So it's 9 o'clock and I've just taken her her second cup of tea and a glass of freshly, by me, squeezed orange juice. “It's got bits in this time, might help”. “So has bacon sandwiches”, was her reply. I stated this before but the bacon over here is like the stuff you had when you were a kid, tasty as hell and NO water at all, cooks in it's own juices and does not shrink, in a chunk of ciabatta bread and tomato sauce, lovely. Back to SWMBO and no rumblings as yet and as we had my “Cook house Chilli” last night I am very surprised.
It reminds me of a conversation I had with my Dad many years ago when he too was suffering from constipation. He showed me the pills he had been taken for a few days that the doctor had given him. “You might as well shove these things up you arse Son, for all the good it will do you.” I had to explain that they were in fact suppositories and that was exactly what he should have been doing.
“That was no bloody good either!” he said the next morning. “I stuck two of them up there last night, gets up this morning and rushes to the bog, “plip” bloody “plip” is all I got!”
A little known fact and some jokes.
The US Standard rail road gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches.
That’s an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used? Because that’s the way they built them in England, and the US rail roads were built by English expatriates.
Why did the English people build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-rail road tramways, and that’s the gauge they used.
Why did they use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.
Okay!
Why did the wagons use that odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing the wagons would break on some of the old, long distance roads, because that’s the spacing of the old wheel ruts. So who built these old rutted roads?
The first long distance roads in Europe were built by Imperial Rome for the benefit of their legions. The roads have been used ever since.
And the ruts?
The initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagons, were first made by Roman war chariots. Since the chariots were made by, or for, Imperial Rome they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing.
Thus we have the answer to the original questions.
The United States standard rail road gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches derives from the original specification for an Imperial Roman army war chariot. Specifications and Bureaucracies live forever. So the next time you are handed a specification and wonder what horse’s ass came up with it, you may be exactly right – because the Imperial Roman chariots were made to be just wide enough to accommodate the back-ends of two war horses.
When we see a Space Shuttle sitting on the launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are the solid rocket boosters, or SRBs. The SRBs are made by Thiokol at a factory in Utah. The engineers who designed the SRBs might have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site. The railroad line to the factory runs through a tunnel in the mountains. The SRBs had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than a rail road track, and the rail road track is about as wide as two horses’ behinds. So a major design feature of what is arguably the world’s most advanced transportation system was determined by the width of a horse’s ass.
Why do dogs lick their balls? Because they can.
The Hypnotist
It was entertainment night at Shady Pines old people's home. Claude
the hypnotist exclaimed: 'I'm here to put you into a trance; I intend to
hypnotize each and every member of the audience.'
The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful
antique pocket watch from his coat 'I want you each to keep your eye on this
antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six
generations'.
He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly
chanting, 'Watch the watch, watch the watch, and watch the watch...'
The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light
gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the
swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's finger and
fell to the floor, shattering into a hundred pieces.
'SH*T' said the Hypnotist.
It took three days to clean up the old people's home.
Why Sentence Structure Is So Important...
The boss had to fire somebody and he narrowed it down to one of two people, Mary or Jack. It was a tough decision because they were both decent workers. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning. Mary came in that day with a horrible hangover after partying all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin. The boss approached her and said, "Mary, I've never done this before but I either have to lay you or Jack off." "Could you jack off?" she said. "I feel like shit this morning."
After 20 yrs of marriage a was lying in bed one evening when the wife felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn't inquite sometime
It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck and then began moving down past the small of her back
He then carressed her sholders and neck slowly working his hand down over her breasts stopping just over her stomach.
He then proceeded to place his hand on her inner arm carressed past the side of her breast again working down her side passed gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf/ He then proceeded up her inner thigh stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side then stopped suddenly rolled over and started watching TV.
As she had become quite aroused by this caressing she asked in a loving voice 'That was wonderful. Why did you stop?'
He replied
'I found the remote'
Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court.
In court, the trucking companies' fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe.
“Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, "I'm fine,"” said the lawyer.
Farmer Joe responded, "Well I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favourite mule Bessie into the.."
"I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the question."
"Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'"
Farmer Joe said, "Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road.."
The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."
By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favourite mule Bessie."
Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded,
"Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favourite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move.
However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her.
After he looked at her he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me. He said, "Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?"
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