Saturday 20th February 2010, Roquetas and we stayed home.

Saturday 20th February 2010, Roquetas and we stayed home.

We should have been catching the bus into Almeria this morning but unfortunately SWMBO decided to have a go at the bottle of Cava that was sitting all alone in the fridge. One hour later and she is falling about and unable to focus on the second series of “Yes Minister”. She shuffles off to bed and I watch “The World at War” via the PC and earphones. So bleary eyed this morning, and she horsely whispers to me that she intends to stay in bed a little longer than usual and that the bus to Almeria can take a running jump.



The weather is great, hot, cloudless and sunny, I see a wash day looming. I am right!

Then it's going to be, lying around a lot, I think we need it after all this rain. Rest of the week is projected to be sunny and 22°C and very little Maria and hardly any Tess. Our only hard decision is whether to walk to the beach or into town.



Well, it's 3 hours later of lying in the sun and reading, and it's the town via the beach!

The electric tripped out again and this time I didn't touch anything, honest!

So off on the walk, about seven miles all told and my soup, which I had unfrozen for lunch, followed me around. I have to find a way of making vegetable soup without the vegetables because I felt that I'd swallowed a basket ball. I think trap #5 will be called for before the evening is out.

The pictures show, in no particular order, the new bike lights, you notice she cleans HER bike better than mine, and the river walk, because that's where we ended up.

Sometimes, while dozing in this heat I have recurring nightmare of actually having to work again and when I do I'm reminded of some of the work related “helpful” memo's that I used to receive:_

Important Notice to all workers!

At this time it is really important that we put in more than 100%

Here's to achieving 103% !!

Here's a little maths that might prove helpful in the future!

What makes life = 100% ??

IF:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z =

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

Then;

H A R D W O R K

8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = Only 98 %

K N O W L E D G E

11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = Only 96 %

But;

A T T I T U D E

1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100 %

However;

B U L L S H I T

2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%

Give it all you've got . . .!


Something that often happened at work as if it was a “new” thought.

“ We trained hard, but it seemed that every time we were beginning to form into teams, we would be re-organised. I was to learn later that we tend to meet any situation by re-organising, and a wonderful method it can be for creating the illusion of progress while producing confusion, inefficiency and demoralisation.”

Caius Petronius 66 AD

Jokes?

The Queen was visiting one of London's top hospitals and she specified she wanted to see absolutely everything. During her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was w*nking.

"Oh my", said the Queen, "that's disgraceful, what is the meaning of this?" The Doctor leading the tour explains; "I am sorry Your Majesty, but this man has a very serious medical condition and is only following
doctors orders. His body produces too much semen and his testicles keep overfilling. Until we can find out exactly what is causing this problem he's been instructed to do that at least 5 times a day or there is a danger that his testicles will explode, and he would die instantly." "Oh, I am so sorry", said the Queen. On the next floor they passed a room where a young nurse was giving a patient a bl*w-job

"Oh my", said the Queen, "What's happening in there?"

The Doctor replied, "Same problem, but he's with BUPA."



Billy Connolly's 14 things I hate about everybody
People who point at their wrist while asking for the time I know where my watch is pal, where the f*ck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too".
F*cking right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is.
Why the f*ck would you keep looking after you've found it?
When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No tosser, I paid 10 quid to come to the cinema and stare at the f*cking floor.

People who ask "Can I ask you a question?". Didn't really give me a choice there, did you sunshine?

When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new,then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement,then there must have been something before it.

When people say "life is short". What the f*ck?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever f*cking does!! What can you do that's longer?

When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, Kn*bhead?

People who say things like 'My eyes aren't what they used to be'. So what did they used to be ears, Wellington boots?

When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.

People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that's an image I really didn't need.

McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you unless you insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering. It's has to be a McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger get blank looks. Well I'll have a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you f*cking McTosser.

When you're involved in a accident and someone asks 'are you alright?'.
Yes fine thanks, I'll just pick up my limbs and be off.